First steps in coming out as trans
I tentatively came out today! It was only to a few people whose opinion of me means little to me - but it's not nothing and a solid first step.
After almost causing a bad mess at work, I see now though that I should take things a bit slower. I only slept four hours last night, and was the whole day extremely distracted by my thoughts. That is a bad starting point for work that requires concentration and quick reactions.
It was really exciting when I found out today that it is very simple and unbureaucratic in my country to change your sex on legal documents. I was close to rushing in and just doing it but then I stopped myself and decided it might be better to do that with a little more sleep. The office will still be there after today.
There is also a network of transgender organizations in my country, and I decided to contact them before I do any expensive and/or irreversible steps. One big question that I still need an answer to is how changing my legal sex will affect my military conscription. Being forced into the military is one of my nightmares, especially if I would have to do it while being openly trans in the future. Until now, I avoided military service by not having the citizenship of my country - but in an ideal world, I want to have citizenship while not being forced into the military. Not now, and not in any future happenstance.
Then there are questions about health insurance (it's more expensive for women), bank accounts, penalties, and generally how to finance a transition. I assume there will be much more hassle than I possibly can imagine, so I hope that I find a trans group where people can give me some hints. And where do I even start to catch up on so many years of missed female socialization? I don't know how to act male, but I know even less how to act female.
So what was that about coming out? Yes, I did it! I texted a group from work that I would use the pronouns “they/them” from now on. I thought that it would be better to ease them in on my situation. Then I changed my mind, and corrected my message to say “she/her”. I was met with the utmost indifference, until finally someone reacted with a thumbs-up emoji. I was prepared to face mean comments or questioning, and was positively surprised when none of that happened. So I take indifference as a win.
Coming out to them was easier than I thought. Mostly because I did it via text, and I also don't see them very often in real life. What's more, I don't really care too much about most of them, as they are either mean or indifferent in the face of bullying. I also didn't tell them about my new name... I'm excited to see how it develops further - will they use my pronouns? Will I eventually tell them about my name? The world is full of possibilities.
It was a whirlwind of a day, and I definitely must take it slower from now on. I should relax and calm down a bit, get a grip on work, and then contact one of the trans groups in my area to get some advice. For the first time in a long time, I'm thrilled about the future.